some days, you’re just sad

So expressive, isn’t she?

I had a sad day today.  I guess there are just some like that.  I haven’t had one in a while … like for a couple of weeks.  Which is pretty good, considering.

A man at church shared a testimony this morning.  He said something about how we can take medication when we are suffering, to ease the pain, yet suffering is one avenue of growing closer to God.  I had a couple of thoughts: 1) Thank God there is medication for depression and anxiety.  How did women handle this hormonal crap 50 or 100 years ago, or ever?  This baffles me.  I would be in a looney bin.  2) Jesus never had medicine to take away his pain.  He hung on the cross, feeling every agonizing breath, the lash marks still raw and open on His back.  He suffered it all.  He suffered for sin.  He suffered for me.  Have you trusted in Him, too?

Then I had to leave church.  I just couldn’t hold back my tears anymore; the morning had already been difficult, and I almost stayed home anyway.  I came home and found my old journal from 2008 and read about the last miscarriage we had.  I think I wanted to remember God’s faithfulness.  I said to my husband today, “I know I have grown closer to God, but I feel like I understand Him less.”

A card from Larissa and Ian in 2008 said they were praying we would be “protected from approaching the ‘whys’ with God.”  This, incidentally, is an excellent thing to pray for people in trials and tragedies.

One day, He will wipe away every tear.  There will be no more sorrow.  There will be rest for our souls.  My Father loves me.  He is holding me tight through this trial.  This I know, that God is for me.  May you find His comfort today, whatever your lot and place.

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About Sara

I am a 30-something momma of two with a history of recurrent pregnancy loss. After receiving no answers from "regular" fertility specialists, I discovered that there is a pioneering field of fertility testing and treatment called Reproductive Immunology. The American College of OB-GYN's still does not recognize this field, but I felt strongly that women needed to know there might still be answers for them. I started a website to inform and encourage others to be their own advocates.
This entry was posted in suffering, the love of Christ and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to some days, you’re just sad

  1. Have you heard the song “Blessings” by Laura Story? Go listen to it. It has gotten so many Followers through so much. Healing Begins by 10th Ave. North is also good. May God bring you the Spirit of Peace and the Comforter.

  2. umbach6 says:

    Simply clicking the like button doesn’t feel right. The emotion of this post is touchable yet ground in the Truth of who God is. Well written. It took me back to some of the darker happenings in my own life and how God was the underlying comforter in it all. Thanks for being really.

    • Sara B. says:

      Thank you … He truly is the One who comforts. It is the waiting where our faith is refined, I think… God bless.

  3. Isn’t it amazing what Christ did for us? I’m so very sorry for your miscarriage. I also had one in June of this year and it was the hardest experience of my life. Most days I feel okay, but I still have the really sad days where I don’t want to do anything except think about the what ifs.

    What I’ve found, is that even when I’m questioning God, or having trouble understanding his will, I just take that feeling and emotion to Him in prayer and tell him honestly what I’m feeling. If I’m angry at God, I tell him that. Whatever you do, just keep going to the cross, and he will heal you, and I guarantee your relationship will be stronger for it.

    • Sara B. says:

      Thanks for stopping by, Amber. I am sorry you have had to walk this road, too. I pray God strengthens your faith and keeps you coming to the cross! Thanks for the words of encouragement. God bless.

  4. Jennifer S says:

    The perspective that depression is a kind of suffering has been a real eye-opener for me. I mean, I knew it hurts horribly, but I had not thought to consider it as suffering like how the Bible talks about suffering until I read “Depression: A Stubborn Darkness” by Ed Welch. This is an amazing book. I feel like everything I’ve read before has taken either a physical approach (it’s brain chemistry, exercise, eat right, take medicine, and practice positive thinking) or a spiritual (find the unconfessed sin and stop feeling this way because Christians who trust God don’t feel this way). But this book blends the two by talking about several things: 1. how sinful we all are, and that it’s not a sign of sin or sin itself to be depressed, 2. the many reasons God allows suffering in our lives according to the Bible and the many things the Bible teaches us to do in suffering, and 3. other things that can help lighten the suffering, including lifestyle changes, friends, support, and medicine. The same author wrote a book on anxiety too, but I have not read that.

    Thanks for your blog and if you have a chance, check out the book.

    • Sara B. says:

      Wow, thanks – I have read Ed Welch before but didn’t know he had books on those topics. I’ll have to check them out. Thanks for leaving a comment.

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