this was her week

I’m apprehensive about facing the calendar this week.  Not like I can avoid it.  But this is the week our little girl was due.

I want to give her memory the honor it deserves.

I have no greater joy than to know that when she opened her eyes for the first time, she saw the face of Christ.  She never knew sorrow or sin or crying.  I am not sure if she ever knew pain, but I am confident that if she did, it was a light and momentary affliction.  She only lived for about 11 weeks – in the womb… and that sounds pretty cozy to me.  She is one lucky girl.  We are the ones who are losing out!  Our loss is her gain.  She is forever and utterly tied to her Maker.

It is a mystery to me, this quiet Kingdom-building that the Lord is accomplishing through miscarriage and, yes, even abortion.  Souls God created who are being shuffled secretly into Heaven, never stepping foot in our world.  I imagine that their laughter and running fill the streets of Heaven, delighting the heart of the Lord.  We have three of them there, rejoicing in the God of all things and whom we will meet not too long from now.

Oh my little ones, how much pain you have been spared.  I cannot understand the secret things of the Lord, but when I get there, you will probably be teachers to me.  Dear little one who was due this week, we love you.  I wish my belly were fat with you now, but I know that the Lord has greater, more magnificent plans than I can fathom, and it doesn’t take long to realize that I wouldn’t want it any other way.  You are just where you are supposed to be, and so are we.  Thank you for reminding me that this world is not all there is.  Thank you for all you have taught me simply by not being here.  I can’t wait to hold you in Heaven!

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About Sara

I am a 30-something momma of two with a history of recurrent pregnancy loss. After receiving no answers from "regular" fertility specialists, I discovered that there is a pioneering field of fertility testing and treatment called Reproductive Immunology. The American College of OB-GYN's still does not recognize this field, but I felt strongly that women needed to know there might still be answers for them. I started a website to inform and encourage others to be their own advocates.
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8 Responses to this was her week

  1. sandy kimmel says:

    thank you Sara for sharing your life, joy, pain, bathroom angst. you are precious to me and to the Lord. He is always good. Maybe my mom is chasing your little ones and finding their tickle spots. She has been gone 20+ years. She missed most of my kids lives and now my grandkids. She would only be 73…praying for grace and joy in the midst of the sadness.
    s

    • Sara B. says:

      I love that picture, Sandy. So sorry you lost your mama so long ago. I imagine you still think of her every day. What a glorious resurrection it will be!

  2. Elaine says:

    What a beautiful post, Sara! What a gift you have given us!

    I am sure it is just as you describe and I rejoice for the day that is coming – when we will all be together! I’m praying that the God of comfort would be close to both of you this week. May He be your strength and shield.

  3. sara says:

    :-(
    this was painful for me to read. i’m sorry for your loss! i pray you will be comforted and encourged this week as you experience these painful moments…continue, as you faithfully always do, to face them head on with trut!h! i am so proud of you for that!!at!

  4. Amy says:

    Kiddo, you convict me. You ground me. This brings back so many painful memories and yet you have a way of turning the dark into light. May God continue to keep you and Justin, Asher & Abby in his loving arms.

  5. Audrey says:

    I love you, Sara Brode. Thanks for your post. What a blessing to know our little ones are in the loving arms of Jesus and someday we will get to hold them close.

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