turning 2

I saw a new look on my baby girl’s face last week.  I thought I knew all her faces, but I was wrong!  Sheer delight, awe, and a bit of shyness all mixed together when everyone started singing and I brought out her flaming piece of cake.  I hope I remember that moment forever!

It’s hard to put into words how life’s events change us.  Becoming a parent certainly changes you immeasurably.  Loss changes you profoundly.  We shy away from trials, and yet I have seen that God does something beautiful in them that can’t be created any other way.  You would think that it would be easy to love being a parent simply for the straightforward reason that children are a gift and life is full and rich with them in it.  And yet, it is loss, I believe, that has made me love parenting my children more.

As much as I hate suffering, I have seen God’s faithfulness to me and to His word.  “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”  (Romans 8:28)  This verse is “head knowledge” for many of us in our Christian walk.  When I think about it now, after losing three babies, and I see all the ways God has woven His character into me (no boasting in myself!) through trials, this verse makes me praise God.  Only HE could bring good out of suffering.  Only HE can accomplish His purpose.  If I were walking this life out apart from the Lord, there is no way I could weave something eternally purposeful through hardship.  I am so glad He has saved me and is accomplishing His purposes in me and through me.  It is a gift to have even a tiny part in His work!

One day, my friend Dorah stopped by while I was having a hard day.  She kindly stayed for a while and we just talked and laughed at stuff.  I think I’ll always remember the way she encouraged me when I told her that I felt like I’d never be the same again.  She said, “Well, you won’t.  But you’ll be more like Christ.”

Thank you, Lord, for creating more love in my heart through loss and suffering.  I am humbled.

P.S. – If you ever meet someone named Dorah, don’t say, “Oh, like Dora the Explorer?!”  It’s just not as funny as you think.  :)


About Sara

I am a 30-something momma of two with a history of recurrent pregnancy loss. After receiving no answers from "regular" fertility specialists, I discovered that there is a pioneering field of fertility testing and treatment called Reproductive Immunology. The American College of OB-GYN's still does not recognize this field, but I felt strongly that women needed to know there might still be answers for them. I started a website to inform and encourage others to be their own advocates.
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